Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
