I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
