I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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