I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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