I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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