You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
