oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
two words...techno handjob
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
