Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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