ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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