all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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