Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize