I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
