Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
