I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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