you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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