nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
