I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
