Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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