is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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