omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
