i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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