Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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