I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
