you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
