how can u be prego again
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
