you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
