No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
