the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
