i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize