I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
