I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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