I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
