Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
