Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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