I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
