I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
