I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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