she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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