Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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