Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
