Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
