YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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