if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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