i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
