i already hear my dad disowning me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
