she woke up with a sticky ear
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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