She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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