make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
