I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
