that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
