Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
