The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
