The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
