Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize