No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
