i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
