She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
