I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
