ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
