Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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