I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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