I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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