Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
