Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
