Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
