What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
