I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize