I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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