Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
