I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
